Tuesday, August 27, 2013


It's the eve of Natalie's first day of kindergarten.  I'm feeling nostalgic.  I'm feeling excited for her.  Most of all, I'm feeling grateful...grateful that we can share this milestone with her.

It wasn't long ago that we got to meet her for the very first time and eventually hold her, all two pounds of her.
Imagine waiting days before you can actually hold your baby for the first time.  It was agony.  She was connected to so many tubes and cords, but I couldn't feel any of them.  I only felt her hot little body against mine, waiting to be held and secure in my arms.  Amid the beeps of the monitors, it was the most peaceful feeling in the world.

Soon after this, we nearly lost Natalie again.  I remember sitting in the hospital in Minneapolis, sobbing uncontrollably, believing there was no way I could return to Minot without Natalie.  I couldn't bear to see her nursery.  I couldn't fathom burying another baby.  I prayed for God to give her the strength to stay with us; that I would be the best mother in the world if she could just hold on for us.  And she did. And I may not be the perfect mother, but every day I am thankful for the gift God gave us, because the milestones have become more precious.  The birthdays have more meaning.  The smiles are more significant.  It's an enhanced version of motherhood and childhood.

At the worst of times, I prayed for one more more second with her.

Then, we became thankful for one whole year with her.

I'm not going to lie, it has been TOUGH.  There were times in the first year (when she had undiagnosed seizures) that I wanted to pull my hair out.  We didn't know how to make her happy.  We didn't know what was wrong with her.

But the years went on, and we slowly started to learn how to control her seizures and make her days and nights more comfortable.  She was our tiny little miracle, and she was thriving.

Soon, she was starting preschool and gaining a little brother.  Our lives were getting busier in an absolutely amazing way.

Each year has passed, and our little peanut has grown bigger and more beautiful.  We can see so much in her beautiful blue eyes.  She speaks to us through smiles.  What a wonderful way to communicate.

And now here she is...a gorgeous little six (soon to be seven) year old.  We'll drop her off at school tomorrow for her first full day.  This milestone seems so incredible to me.  

1 Samuel 1:27